Friday night was the monthly “family dinner” at Abby and Jackson’s house. “The family” consisted of 7 people: Abby and Jackson, Emma, Greg and Caitlin, and Lauryn and Sam.  Lauryn and Caitlin had been hall mates and neighbors with Abby and Emma throughout college. Sam had been Jackson’s roommate.  These 6 had known each for 12 years now, since their freshman year of college. Lauryn and Sam were the first couple. They had started dating sophomore year and gotten married the day after graduation. Abby and Jackson started dating senior year, but didn’t get married until 3 years later.  Greg met Caitlin while working at the same summer camp for disadvantaged kids one year. They married between the other two couples. Andrew was the latest addition to the group, rounding it out to an even 8.  Emma was very grateful that so many of her college friends had ended up in Atlanta; they really did serve as a surrogate family for her while her own was so far away. She was a Yankee transplant who had come South for college and decided to stay.  

            Emma got off work earlier than anyone else, so she always arrived about half an hour early to help Abby prepare the table. She was surprised to see Andrew’s car in the driveway as she pulled up to the house. She retrieved her spinach salad from the back seat and walked into the house without knocking. As she headed straight back to the kitchen, she nearly collided with Abby who emerged suddenly from the bedroom hallway.

            “Oh, hey!” Abby greeted her with enthusiasm. “Sorry, I didn’t hear you come in. Oh, good, you brought the salad.” Abby whisked the bowl out of Emma’s hands and whirled it into the kitchen before Emma could even respond.

            That was weird, thought Emma. What’s she so hyper about? She followed Abby to the kitchen suspiciously. Abby didn’t make eye contact as she began bustling around the counter, laying out plates and silverware. She asked Emma if she would set the table on the back porch.

            “Sure. Everything okay? You seem kind of jumpy,” Emma observed.

            “Yeah, everything’s fine. I guess maybe I had too much caffeine this afternoon or something.”

It was a very poorly veiled brush off, but Emma didn’t confront it head on. She was not sure whether to be curious or concerned by Abby’s state of frenzy. Heading out the sliding glass door to the patio, Emma found Andrew lighting the grill. He turned as he heard the door open.

“Hey,” he smiled. “How’s it goin’?”

“Good, thanks. You’re early,” Emma noted, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah, Abby asked me to come hang out and give Jackson a hand with the grill. Plus, I just finished a big project at work, so my boss didn’t mind me taking the afternoon off.  I got here about an hour ago.”

“Has Jackson been cleared for normal activity yet?” Perhaps that was the reason for Abby’s jitters. But, where was Jackson? Emma didn’t remember seeing his suburban in the garage.

“Not quite. But he’s feeling a lot better. I think he’s chomping at the bit to get back to his regular activities.” Andrew blew out his match and came to help Emma fold the napkins and lay out silverware.

“Well, that’s not surprising,” Emma chuckled. “Jackson is the most active person I know. Where is he, anyway?”

“Abby sent him to the store to pick up dessert or something.”

“That’s odd. She’s usually got dessert planned out days ahead of time.”

“Maybe it was just to give him something to do, so he could feel useful and get out of the house for a bit.”

“Yeah, maybe. Does she seem off-kilter to you?” Emma looked into the kitchen, her brow furrowed. Abby was smiling widely, despite the fact that there was no music on and no one in the room, while she lifted the chicken breasts out of the marinade and laid them on a platter to be taken to the grill. Something was definitely up.

“Uh, I don’t know. She’s definitely in a good mood,” Andrew responded noncommittally.

“Clearly,” Emma replied. That’s a drastic understatement, she thought. What was Abby hiding? She always got a nervous energy about her when she had a secret, which consequently didn’t ever last long. She gave herself away too easily. So, what was the big secret? She seemed to have avoided Emma since she got there. Was Andrew here to run interference so Emma couldn’t get Abby alone? Abby caught Emma’s eye briefly, blushed, and quickly left the kitchen. What in the world? What is she happy and embarrassed about?

“Ahem.” Andrew cleared his throat rather amusedly from across the table. Emma turned toward him and found him watching her with an amused grin, having set all the plates and flatware without her. “I’m sure it’s nothing,” he said. “Anyway, she’ll come clean when she’s ready to…which probably won’t be long. She’s horrible at keeping secrets, especially good ones.” Emma followed him into the kitchen to retrieve the glasses and the chicken.

“I know. I guess she’ll tell me when she’s ready,” Emma reluctantly conceded. Andrew chuckled faintly at the tone of disappointment in her voice.  Before Emma had time to wonder where Abby had disappeared to, she heard the sink running in the powder room.  Abby came back into the kitchen, still smiling brightly. She toned it down slightly as she saw Emma watching her with narrowed eyes.  “We’re almost done setting the table and the grill is heating up. What else do you need me to do?” Emma asked innocently enough.

“Oh, I’m all done in here. I just have to pour the sweet tea into a jug. You can help Andy with the chicken until Jack gets back. Ooo, Andrew, did you tell Emma about the opportunity you got to create the artwork for the new cafe?” Abby quickly redirected the attention to Andrew while Emma gathered the glasses onto a tray. “It’s such a compliment and honor that you were asked. Emma enjoys interior design. I’m sure she’d love to hear about your plans.” She sounded like she was setting people up at a cocktail party or something. She was actually holding the back door open, practically shooing them out the door with her body language.

“How interesting,” Emma responded as she followed him Andy out the door and threw Abby a scrutinizing glare.

“Yeah, it’s a pretty cool opportunity,” Andrew began. “My best friend and his wife are opening a new café, and they asked me to create the wall art. I’m just starting to work up some concepts. But, I didn’t know you were into design…”

Yep, Andrew is definitely here to run interference. Whatever this is, it must be big, Emma decided. Unless… Emma froze as she reached the table, tray still in hand. She watched Andrew lay the chicken breasts neatly across the grill, and then glanced back at Abby again—who had been watching them but quickly looked away and began pouring the tea from the pot into a water jug. No! It can’t possibly be! Abby can’t be trying to set me up with Andrew? She hasn’t tried to set me up for years now, and—Andrew of all people?! He was Abby’s brother, for crying out loud, and far too young for her. Surely Abby could see that. Would Abby make such a huge move without even consulting Emma? Emma’s heart dropped into her stomach, and she temporarily forgot to inhale.

A thousand scenarios began racing through her mind—all of them ending in the demise of the easy comfort of their “family.”  What if Abby became too obvious about her bright idea at dinner tonight? How could Emma give her a strong signal about her aversion to the idea without appearing to snub Andrew? She wasn’t sure how Abby would take it if Emma balked at the idea of dating Andrew. On the other hand, though, if she placated her by playing along, how disappointed would Abby be when it didn’t go anywhere? And how uncomfortable for Andrew when he figured it out! Was there any way to escape mortification for everyone involved?

“Something wrong with the table? You look like you’ve just seen a cockroach.” Andrew’s voice reminded Emma to inhale and that she was still standing there, holding the glasses. She rushed to place the glasses at each place setting, making minimal eye contact. “Sorry, just got lost in thought for a moment,” she explained. She would have to be the Queen of Obliviousness. It had been a while since Emma had needed to play this role, but she was pretty sure she could still pull it off. “So, how does one assist at the grill exactly, anyway?”

“Well, I think that’s generally considered code for ‘get out from underfoot in the kitchen.’ But you can pass me the plates in a few minutes when the chicken is ready,” Andrew responded nonchalantly.

“Oh, no problem,” Emma responded quickly. Maybe he was an innocent party in this set-up. “Hey, listen, thanks again for being my wingman at Debbie’s wedding. Sorry I lectured you so much about relationships on the way back.” She tried to emphasize the word lectured to subtly emphasize her seniority.

“Oh, no worries! I didn’t mind at all. It was kinda cool actually, getting an inside tour of the female mind. Sort of like having another sister to talk to, only one who doesn’t know everything about me.”

Aha! He sees me as an older sister, as he should. What can Abby possibly be thinking? Emma worried. “Well, feel free to seek me out for advice anytime. It is sort of my job, after all. You’ll just have to put up with my educator delivery methods.”

Emma began trying to devise schemes to deflect Abby’s enthusiasm about Andrew as a potential mate until she could get her alone. Before she had come up with anything definitive, Lauryn and Sam arrived, shortly followed by Caitlin and Greg.

Finally, Jackson came back and placed a bakery box on the counter before coming to take Emma’s place at the grill. Emma joined Cait and Lauryn at the table.

“What’s up with Abby?” Lauryn immediately inquired, in a somewhat hushed voice. Emma took a seat next to her, at the end of the table so that Abby couldn’t seat Andrew next to her.

“I don’t know. She said she had a lot of caffeine today or something,” Emma hedged, trying to sound unconcerned.

“She’s goofy-happy,” Cait observed. Not for long, thought Emma.

            Once everyone else was seated, there was only one spot open for Andrew—directly across from Emma. Emma made up her mind to focus her eye contact on whoever was talking rather than in front of her. After Jackson said grace, and the food was passed around, Emma commenced defensive tactics of anticipating potentially dangerous topics of conversation and redirecting them. The men were, of course, completely oblivious to the almost tangible warmth and glow emanating from Abby’s end of the table—even though Sam was sitting right next to her. Fortunately, the guys dominated the conversation initially with shop talk, analyses of recent sporting events, and status updates on Jackson’s injury.

            Meanwhile, Caitlin threw occasional raised eyebrows in the direction of Lauryn and Emma whenever Abby seemed to laugh too loudly at comments or fidgeted in her seat. Lauryn actually elbowed Emma at one point when Abby dropped the bread basket into the potato salad while taking a roll. They were definitely on the hunt to find out the root of these jitters. Every time Abby made eye contact with Emma, she smiled and looked quickly back at her plate. Emma knew Caitlin and Lauryn were going to jump at the first break in conversation to ask Abby what was going on. Just keep talking boys, Emma silently encouraged. She contributed follow-up questions and background inquiries as often as possible without appearing too unnaturally interested in college ball or computer programs.

            Eventually, however, the boys contented themselves and focused their attention on their taste buds. Before Caitlin could direct the conversation to Abby, Emma interjected by asking her how her side photography business was progressing. Caitlin was a stay at home mom with her 3-year-old son, Cameron, but she was a gifted photographer. She had begun selling greeting cards with her photos of local landscapes and landmarks, and was beginning to develop a freelance business with weddings, graduations, and such.  After Caitlin described some new clients and jobs, Emma plied Lauryn for an update about Conner who was four and had just started a summer pre-school program. He was always coming home with new stories or trying out new words he didn’t quite understand yet. Emma was rapidly running out of topics.

            “I hear you have a birthday coming up in a couple of weeks,” Sam observed casually, but with a small twinkle in his eye. “Any big plans?”

            Aha! An opportunity to give Abby a reality check without being rudely inattentive to Andrew. “Yes,” Emma groaned dramatically. “Thirty! Can you believe it? I’m practically middle-aged! I can’t believe I’m completely done with my 20’s already. I’m sort of in mourning for my lost youth.”

            Andrew laughed lightheartedly. “Should we start researching retirement homes, then?”

            “Emma, thirty is not ancient,” Lauryn interjected, rolling her eyes and giving Emma an affectionate jab in the ribs. “We’re all 30…except for Andrew. And Caitlin, technically, but only for another six months.”

            “I know, and I’m almost as old as you all.” Emma pretended be horrified as she shoved her back lightly.

            “Ha, ha.” Lauryn replied. Abby observed all of this with enjoyment, but no sign of rethinking or a need to interject.

Oh come on, she can’t have missed that! Emma thought in exasperation. Seriously?! That was beyond a mere hint. For a moment, she wondered if she had misread Abby’s behavior and jumped to the wrong conclusion about her preoccupation.

            “Jackson?” Abby suddenly spoke, interrupting Emma’s doubts. “I think it’s time for dessert.” She had a look of triumph, anticipation, and relief all in one expression.

            “I agree,” Jackson smiled back. They both got up and retired to the kitchen while Andrew collected the dinner plates to take them to the sink. Abby came back out, carrying dessert plates, followed by Jackson who was carrying a box from Publix bakery. The bakery box did not have the usual clear plastic hole in the middle of the lid so that you could see the contents.

            “That’s not a birthday cake, is it?” Sam asked suspiciously. “She’s got a little time left to be 29, and you may have noticed that she’s more than a little attached to it.” He smirked at Emma.

            “I suppose it is an early birthday cake of sorts, but it’s not for Emma,” Abby said very cryptically. She was making no attempt to hide her beaming happiness now.

            Jackson placed the cake on the table and lifted the lid off with a dramatic flourish. Everyone leaned in to see the big secret. In the center of the cake was a large stork, carrying a green bundle of cloth with a tiny hand sticking out. The border of the cake was sprinkled with candy rattles and baby booties. It took all of two seconds for the table to process the meaning and erupt in excitement.

            “You’re pregnant?!” Lauryn and Caitlin squealed simultaneously, jumping out of their seats to hug Abby. Emma’s jaw dropped and she was frozen to her seat for a moment, stunned by happiness for Abby and instantly forgetting everything else.

            “Congrats, man!” Sam punched Jackson in the arm before giving him a firm handshake.

            “How far along?” Caitlin asked.

            “About four weeks,” Abby replied, obviously relieved and elated to finally have the secret out.

            “Four weeks!” Emma exclaimed in disbelief. “You kept a secret from me for a whole month?! You never keep secrets from me, even when you want to!”

            “I know,” Abby laughed loudly. “Thank goodness we found out in May, so you were distracted with graduation and final exams. If we hadn’t had Debbie’s wedding to talk about last Saturday, you would have wriggled it out of me for sure. I knew you wouldn’t be as easily distracted tonight, so I enlisted Andrew’s help to keep you from spoiling the surprise. I’ve been dying to tell you,” she finished, embracing Emma with a firm bear hug. As Emma squeezed back, she made eye contact with Andrew over Abby’s shoulder.

            “So, you’re the star defense, huh?” she asked playfully. He winked.

            “You run a pretty determined offense,” he complimented. Everyone laughed.

            “Except for at dinner,” Abby observed, turning toward Emma with contracted brow. “You suddenly seemed interested in everyone but me. I thought maybe you had figured it out.”

            Shoot! Think fast, Emma coached herself. “No, I had no idea. I was afraid maybe you had something else up your sleeve—like a surprise birthday party.” Phew.

            “She wouldn’t dare!” Sam declared solemnly. Everyone laughed again and resumed their seats. Andrew cut the cake while Abby and Jackson filled everyone in on due dates, ultrasounds, and the like.

After a pleasant and joyous evening, everyone headed home with full tummies and hearts. Although, if she were completely honest, Emma’s heart was not entirely filled with joy. There was something like a sadness in the thought that life as she knew it was about to change yet again, and that her best friend in the world was about to become less available and less involved in her life. There wouldn’t be too many more months of Saturday walks, or long, uninterrupted phone chats. Also, there was something else she couldn’t quite put her finger on. Something related to being not just the only single female left in her circle of friends, but also the only childless one. Emma had never been eager to be a mother. But, somehow, the family seemed to be shifting again, and she felt a heaviness in her chest as she felt a familiar foe growing in numbers: loneliness.