When I See You

What do you see when you look in the mirror?

I do not know.

I wonder if you see what I see, when I look at you.

When I see you…

I see a miracle of God’s unique creation, a one-of-a-kind original.

I see a bundle of hopes and fears, smiles and scowls, sweetness and mischief, talents and flaws—a humanity that cannot be erased.

But that is not all I see,

When I see you.

When I see you…

I see the courage and strength of generations of ancestors who refused to stop fighting the lie that they were less than human.

I see their hopes and dreams for a better future, and their relentless perseverance so that their children might see that future.

I see a legacy of fighters, truth-tellers, chain-breakers, rescuers, survivors—those who refused to forget, refused to accept, and refused to retreat.

You were birthed from their struggle.

You are the fruit of their labors,

The fulfillment of their dreams.

Your very existence is a monument to their deep commitment to hope.

And so, I cannot help but see them,

When I see you.

When I see you…

I see the struggle you have inherited and the challenge that lies before you.

I see a society that has sought to limit your opportunity and visibility, your access and success.

I see a wall of labels, stereotypes, and fears that prevent many people from actually seeing your beauty at all.

You did not create this challenge, but you must accept it and determine to rise to it.

This is the struggle you have inherited that created the legacy that birthed you.

I see you striving to make sense of the struggle, to discover who you are.

Sometimes you defy the labels and stereotypes.

Sometimes you embody them, believing their promise of wealth and glory, or refusing to try a game that was rigged for someone else.

Sometimes you dream of a different type of future.

Sometimes you cannot see past the harsh realities of what you already know.

Who can tell what your journey will hold?

What battles you will fight?

What choices you will make, and what the results will be?

I do not know.

And yet…

Knowing where you come from,

Knowing who you come from,

And knowing you are here, now…

I know there is hope; I know there is a future; I know there is strength within to overcome anything—

When I see you.

A Naive, Idealistic, White Girl’s Guide to Becoming “Woke”

I often feel that the biggest obstacle to eradicating systemic racism is not the racism itself, but the total obliviousness of so many white Americans. I was certainly oblivious for most of my life, and it is a harsh awakening to realize that the stuff you studied in History class is not history and that the epic battles won in court and on paper do not actually play out that way in real life. It is hard to wrap your head around a whole parallel experience in society that you never really witness first-hand. It is easy to dismiss as individual incidents, anomalies, exceptions because it doesn’t happen where you live, it doesn’t happen to you, and it’s not something people generally discuss in front of you. Rightly so, I’m ashamed to say. I was not a safe person to talk to for most of my life. I didn’t get it.
All that to say, I am encouraged to see more and more people of all generations in white America waking up, opening their ears and eyes, and being able to put aside their own experience to recognize another frame of reference.
“Justice will not be served until those who are unaffected are just as outraged as those who are.” ~Benjamin Franklin
There is a time to get angry. That time is long past due. If you are finding yourself feeling behind on this issue, learn from my experience:

Step 1: Start by eavesdropping. There are so many venues for you to listen to African American voices and educate yourself and move past your defense mechanisms in private before you put your foot in your mouth. Look at social media posts on current events from African American friends or strangers. Read the comments and see the discussion. Watch movies like “Just Mercy”, “13th”, etc. Read biographies. (Just Mercy, The Short and Tragic Life of Robert Peace, The New Jim Crow, Makes Me Wanna Holler, Between the World and Me).

Step 2: Once you feel you can listen without getting defensive, suspending disbelief, or feeling overcome with guilt/fear of judgment as if this is about you, start talking to your African American friends and colleagues. “I don’t know what to say, but I am so sorry this is happening,” is a great place to start. “I know I don’t get it, but if you ever want to talk, I’m listening,” is another one.

Step 3: Share what you are learning with your white friends and family members! Many times, this will be awkward and met with counterpoints, disbelief, resistance because they are still operating out of the framework of their own experience and are not able to accept realities they haven’t experienced yet. Share anyway. When you feel frustrated and exhausted, and annoyed at having to explain things for the second or third, or fourth time, stop and imagine how much more exhausted and exasperated your African American friends must feel. Having your pain and oppression denied or dismissed by people who claim to care about you has got to be one of the most despair-inducing parts of this fight. We can fight this battle and catch these stones for them. (Also, try to remember that your own viewpoint is fairly recent and you were just as much in denial not too long ago. Stay humble.)

Step 4: Find ways to give away your privilege, to use it to help others rise. This can certainly look like protests or donations to charities fighting for equity. But, it can also look like finding organizations in your own community that are seeking to build opportunity and dignity and getting involved. The options are endless–partnering your church with a local congregation that is more diverse, volunteering to tutor or mentor at a local school, community center, or juvenile facility, coaching in a community sports program, etc., etc. Obviously, a great place to start is asking How can I help?”

Step 5: When you screw up (because you will) by stepping on a stereotype you didn’t even know existed or failing to see the implicit bias in your own views, or missing the mark on saying something helpful, apologize and let people know you want to do better. Do not let fear of missing the mark cause you to remain silent or do nothing at all. Let your friends know, “I am still learning, and I probably won’t always get this right. If I ever say or do anything that is hurtful or ignorant, please tell me! I don’t know what I don’t know, but I want to learn and the last thing I want to do is hurt you.”

There is a long history of “weaponized whiteness” in our country (using the knowledge of one’s power status to get one’s way and protect one’s power status). But weapons can be used to defend those with less power status as well. There have to be ways to turn our current privilege into defensive weapons, protecting and supporting those without it. But, first we have to be able to see the weapon. So, go back to number 1. 🙂


{P.S. If any of this misses the mark, please let me know! I am still learning, and I probably won’t always get it right. But, I don’t want to stay silent anymore and the last thing I want to do is hurt you or reinforce the subtle parts of the problem.}

A Familiar Edifice Amidst the Rubble

From a normally comfortable, relatively safe, anesthetized life in middle or upper class America, I think the cross frequently strikes us as odd or even bizarre–at best, an incredibly dramatic demonstration of God’s love and self-sacrifice (perhaps a little over the top); at worst, a grotesque and unnecessary death that sets a role model for us to follow in nonviolent resistance and fidelity to faith. In the West, we don’t like to think about a God of wrath, a God of justice. We prefer a God of forgiveness, but we don’t really stop to think what He’s forgiving us from. God’s forgiveness couldn’t actually require that–could it? Surely, God can forgive freely without a penalty for sin and the cross was purely a result of men’s decision, not also a meting out of divine judgment. How could God do that to His only Son? How could God be that angry? From my, marshmallow soft corner of the world, things seem to run fairly smoothly most of the time. We’re all basically good people, right? We don’t really harbor evil in our hearts. We just make mistakes, have off days, crack under pressure, etc., etc. It is easy to forget how evil sin is, how deep it goes, how destructive it is. Until weeks like this, that is.

When you cannot turn on the television or the computer or the radio without being gut-smacked with staggering statistics of inequity, violence, and prejudice experienced by African American communities throughout your nation; with footage of innocent police officers being shot down in the street while protecting those drawing attention to these inequities; with mass murders all over the world via terrorist attacks with suicide vests and large vehicles plowing into crowds; of entire countries being wiped out by civil war and thousands upon thousands of refugees whose homes have been literally decimated fleeing for safety with nowhere to go … suddenly it becomes a lot harder to downplay the gravity or the size of the problem, or to reduce sin to “mistakes” or the blatant evil in humanity to just an off day or result of societal pressures. When it becomes impossible to run away or avert your eyes from the true nature of the problem, the simple solutions don’t seem that simple anymore.”Free” forgiveness doesn’t seem so free when you’re confronted with the cost of what’s been done to the victims. There must be some sort of justice, some sort of judgment, some sort of atonement. But, that seems to lead to some scary places.

I remember reading a passage from The Reason for God in which Tim Keller quotes a scholar from Croatia who lived through horrific violence in the Balkans and wrote that the ability to refrain from retaliation is only possible if you believe that there is a just God who will execute judgment for sin. He writes, “If God were not angry at injustice and deception and did not make a final end to violence–that God would not be worthy of worship….My thesis is that the practice of nonviolence requires a belief in divine vengeance will be unpopular with many…in the West…it takes the quiet of a suburban home for the birth of the thesis that human nonviolence [can result from a belief in] God’s refusal to judge. In a sun-scorched land, soaked in the blood of the innocent, it will invariably die…” (qtd. on p.76-77). We need a God of justice, a God who will judge, who will execute judgment for the horrific atrocities committed. And I do believe in a final judgment, but that still leaves me with two dilemmas: 1. If I am completely honest with myself, way down deep under my marshmallow facade, I can find evil lurking in my own heart and I know that I cannot expect judgment for others without also incurring it myself, and 2. While it is comforting to know that God will eventually punish all sin and execute judgment, it does not always seem that we can see Him acting immediately in the here and now, today. Does God see what is happening now? In this place? How do we try to move forward while waiting for final judgment to come?

I find myself scanning the horizon for any sign of hope. As I survey the devastation, I find a familiar edifice standing amidst the rubble: the cross. It does not seem so out of place or extreme or bizarre now, amidst this landscape of bloodshed and violence and oppression. In fact, it seems strangely relevant and accessible–even to my suburban, Western sensibilities. And I find that while I do not know what God is doing at this exact moment in any particular situation in my country or in the world, the cross is a permanent, prominent, undeniable answer that He is here; He is involved; He is active.

Today I am thankful for the cross: the proof that God is neither ignorant of nor indifferent or immune to the suffering and injustice in the world, wrought by the evil in men’s hearts. Today I am thankful for the resurrection: the proof that God is also not impotent in the face of such evil, and that even in the face of such evil and devastation, His justice and wrath are tempered with a desire for a solution better than mere annihilation of the human race. And I am thankful that because of the cross and the resurrection, there is hope for us.

Thank You, Father, for being a God who is BOTH just and merciful. Thank You for being a God of wrath and justice–that we can rest in Your justice and leave vengeance in Your hands when evil goes unpunished in the immediate by our society or our government. Thank you for Your justice that enables us to let go of the dual burdens of needing to exact revenge ourselves or of being crushed by despair over there being seemingly no accountability for evil in the world. Thank You for being a God of mercy and love–that we can face the horrors of the atrocities committed by our own society, our own race, and even our own hearts without the need to justify, deny, hide, or excuse them because You already know them all and have made forgiveness possible through the sacrifice of Your Son on the cross. Thank You for sending Him to us, and for accepting His sacrifice on our behalf and raising Him from the dead.

Thank You, Jesus, for absorbing the guilt and penalty of our evil and God’s just wrath upon the cross,  and for living a perfect life that fulfilled the law we had broken. Thank You for taking on human flesh and literally becoming one with us while we were Your enemies, even though You knew we would reject You and kill You–simultaneously creating both the ultimate climax of our sinfulness and the fulfillment of God’s wrath in response. Thank You for exchanging Your perfect righteousness with our perfect rebellion. Thank You for relieving us of the impossible burdens of the need to be above reproach and of being crushed by our guilt. Thank You for giving us the freedom to confess our sins without fear of condemnation and to repent, and for allowing us to hide ourselves in You and clothe ourselves with Your righteousness. Thank You for interceding continually with the Father for those of us who do.

Thank You, Spirit, for continuing to do the miraculous works of resurrection and new creation in our hearts–granting us the gifts of repentance and faith, turning enemies into brothers and allies, replacing fear and resentment with love and forgiveness, teaching us to place our wrath on the cross as well. Thank You for giving us something better than fair condemnation, vindication, etc.: thank You for giving us new life, healing, wholeness; for taking our enemies and our conflicts and giving us brothers and reconciliation instead.

Thank You for the ways I have seen You do this in my own life, and in my own community. Please, God, do this for my region, for my country, for my world. Please bring repentance, healing, forgiveness, and unity to all of us. Let us meet as equals at the foot of the cross and rise again as one body unified in Christ; let us outdo one another in confession and repentance and forgiveness. Give us the cross, Jesus. Give us Yourself.

Amen.